Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Draft #3
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends screamed while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on rough dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in. As we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said locating the leaking water pipes.Why is there metal on the outside of the cave but there is wood inside? Why is this train tunnel so long? Who built it? Who needs to be in darkness for a long time? AWKARD. While we were walking it looked as though the train tracks were as wide as a piano.
As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved. "Light" I said pointing to the end of the mile long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt somethimg rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel but some of my friends were still in their but they still made it out. As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home.
As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved. "Light" I said pointing to the end of the mile long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt somethimg rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel but some of my friends were still in their but they still made it out. As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home.
Monday, April 28, 2008
"Cutting the fat"
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends said while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on hard dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in, as we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said pointing to the leaking water pipes. "Wow do you guys see how long this train tunnel is" my friend said looking back and forth.
Why is there metal on the outside of the cave but there is wood inside? Why is this train tunnel so long? Who built it? Who needs to be in darkness for a long time?
When we were walking we tried to stay in the middle of the train tracks. As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something. While we were walking nobody wanted to touch the walls because they thought it might fall. As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved.
"Light" I said pointing to the end of the long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt something rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel.
As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home.
Why is there metal on the outside of the cave but there is wood inside? Why is this train tunnel so long? Who built it? Who needs to be in darkness for a long time?
When we were walking we tried to stay in the middle of the train tracks. As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something. While we were walking nobody wanted to touch the walls because they thought it might fall. As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved.
"Light" I said pointing to the end of the long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt something rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel.
As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Thoughtful Word Choices
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends said while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on hard dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in. As we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said pointing to the leaking water pipes. While we were walking it looked as though the train tracks were as wide as a piano.
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends screamed while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on rough dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in. As we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said locating the leaking water pipes. While we were walking it looked as though the train tracks were as wide as a piano.
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends screamed while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on rough dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in. As we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said locating the leaking water pipes. While we were walking it looked as though the train tracks were as wide as a piano.
Sentence Lenght Variety
We stepped on hard dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in, as we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out.
Do you think this train tunnel is about a mile.
Who built it?
As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something.
As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved.
Do you think this train tunnel is about a mile.
Who built it?
As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something.
As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Rough Draft #2
"Hey guys come check this out" my friends said while walking into this huge dark train tunnel. We stepped on hard dirt and very lose rocks, the train tunnel looked like it was going to cave in, as we started to walk in we noticed that we needed headlights to go in the tunnel and check it out. "Look" I said pointing to the leaking water pipes. While we were walking it looked as though the train tracks were as wide as a piano."Wow do you guys see how long this train tunnel is" my friend said looking back and forth. Do you think this train tunnel is about a mile.
Why is there metal on the outside of the cave but there is wood inside? Why is this train tunnel so long? Who built it? Who needs to be in darkness for a long time?
When we were walking we tried to stay in the middle of the train tracks. As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something. While we were walking nobody wanted to touch the walls because they thought it might fall. As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved. "Light" I said pointing to the end of the mile long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt somethimg rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel but some of my friends were still in their but they still made it out. As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home
Why is there metal on the outside of the cave but there is wood inside? Why is this train tunnel so long? Who built it? Who needs to be in darkness for a long time?
When we were walking we tried to stay in the middle of the train tracks. As we walked through the tunnel we saw huge tubes that were once used for something. While we were walking nobody wanted to touch the walls because they thought it might fall. As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved. "Light" I said pointing to the end of the mile long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt somethimg rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel but some of my friends were still in their but they still made it out. As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home
Hot Spot
As we were walking we found ourselves coming closer and closer to somethimg we all loved. "Light" I said pointing to the end of the mile long train tunnel. While were walking out of the train tunnel my friend was stepping on the tracks and as we were walking out and he said that he felt somethimg rattling the tracks. Then he said "RUN". We all started running for our lives, While we were running I thought we were running from some very big bats. And finally we get out of the tunnel but some of my friends were still in their but they still made it out. As we got out we tried to look for a place to hide. Then a train comes out of the cave and I have a bit of relief, but it comes and turns the corner to see us. Then this guy steps out and said that if we stayed there any longer we would be arrested by the police. So we didn't get to see what we went there for, so we started our long jouney home.
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